Category Archives: Ego

In Memoriam… And it’s time to get to work

06 Saturday Oct 2018

Posted by in Change, Compassion, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, Healthcare, Heroin, Love, Medical Marijuana, Meditation, Memorial, Middle Way, Music, Open mind, Politics, Recovery, Sameness

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The last few years has been a tough ride for me personally. I lost a brother to an overdose. I lost my mother to cancer. I lost one of my oldest friends, and the best man in my wedding, to Alzheimer’s. There’s also a handful of other major events that would take too long to explain in this particular post. When I look back at every one of those losses, there is a fairly large gap in my blog post history. Who knows why? I suppose it’s one of the ways I don’t deal with grief, by simply ignoring any decent coping mechanism I have for processing it.

A week ago today, I lost one of the most influential people I have ever had the privilege to know and collaborate with. This time the loss is directly relevant to my spiritual well-being, as well as what I write about.

Brian and I met over a decade ago, when he was hired by a friend of his, who was also my boss. A lucky break for me since the same guy had been telling me that I would probably get along really well with his friend Brian. A suggestion that sparked one of the most pivotal relationships in my life.

He was more than just a friend. He was a mentor in a number of areas for me. At other times, he preferred to be the student. It was one the purest definitions of friendship I have ever experienced. For myself, I believe that’s because we recognized ourselves in each other.

Over time, we created and authored a number of blogs that discussed a range of topics. He was one of the few people I can honestly say was able to deliver criticism to me in a way that completely bypassed my defenses, and the need to defend myself from the criticism. He could bypass my defenses and deliver information in a way that made it easy to see his point, simply removing my normal need to save face.

I don’t write because I want to. On most days, it’s more of a need. But, when my ego flairs, writing the type of stuff I do can be painful sometimes. Based on what I know, I suspect that Brian had to learn how to reduce his own ego before he could help anyone else with theirs. I am a far better person today for having known him.

I haven’t used his full name for a few reasons. The first of which is that I haven’t sought any sort of permission from his family to compose a written memorial. But also because I think I knew him well enough to know that, the idea of anyone trying to memorialize him in any way, would have given him the heebie jeebies.

Over the years he pushed me hard to get over myself, and to finally realize some of the projects I wanted to work on. But, like most people, most of it’s blocked by whatever bullshit excuse for a fear that I’d given myself. Each time that he pushed, he was careful to do so in a way that was always most helpful to others, and less likely to focus accolades back on us. In other words, Brian showed me what humility was, from the inside.

…

Okay, so now after having written all of that nice stuff, it also appears that I have also acquired my own glasses-wearing, mustachioed Obi Wan-ghost, wandering around and bugging me that I’ve still got work to do.

You see, I am not trying to memorialize Brian so much as I am trying to write about the passing of a close friend as a way to exercise my own demons. And also to let people know that I plan to change directions with this blog for a little while, if that’s okay (and even if it’s not). This blog was never meant to be a political bitch session. That’s purely a side effect of our current political climate.

I have been working on a series of essays that discuss the current and ongoing change in status that cannabis is experiencing as medicine, as well as how that might affect people in recovery for things like alcoholism.

Because of some of the training I have, both personally and professionally, this is a topic of great personal importance to me. It’s also one that few seem willing to tackle. And it’s here that Brian recently applied his gentle pressure, for me to continue to explore the subject, so that we could continue to help others in whatever way works for them.

My secondary reason for this post is to ask help from the readers: If you know anyone who can be helped by this information, please share it with them, this topic must be a give and take. Like much of our political discourse these days, the medical benefits of things like cannabis are subject to media favoritism. And the popularity of certain methods and medicines, ebbs and flows on public perception. A perception that is largely informed by backdoor deals and lobbying efforts, usually designed to enrich someone else, somewhere else.

What we really should be doing is using the technology we passively browse, and instead push it to increase our own access to information. We need it to help us expand our knowledge of the truth, and about the real efficacy of our medicines, and our politics. And for many who are trying to recover from addiction, helping them to increase the quality of their own internal lives.

Having said all of that, I want to once more thank Brian for everything he was able to teach me (not always such an easy task). And to also let him know that I miss him, and that I love him. Something I’m sure he knew, but I don’t think I got to say out loud.

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There are no atheists in foxholes… or capitalists

14 Friday Sep 2018

Posted by in Compassion, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Human, Love, Middle Way, Politics, Race, Sameness

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Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Between yesterday and today, thousands of Americans have considered switching political affiliations.

First, we have a massive hurricane making landfall in the Carolinas. There are also scores of houses burning in Massachusetts due to a gas line issue.

It’s for these reasons that thousands and thousands of conservative, self-sufficient, pull-themselves-up-by-their-bootstraps kind of folks will suddenly decide that Socialism ain’t so bad after all. It’s a common conversion that happens when your house is on fire, or you need to be rescued from the roof of your flooded home.

When it comes to paying taxes, they’re a fiscal conservative/capitalist who is more than willing to fight the good fight based on the “It ain’t right, because the 16th Amendment” argument. But once their house is burning or floating, they are happy to proclaim their status as Americans, shouting, “But, I’m a taxpayer!” as their expectations of public services suddenly exceeds their demonstrations of individuality.

When the shit hits the fan and you have to do the unthinkable and ask for help, it’s because your ego has finally fallen from its lofty perch long enough for your spirit to recognize that we are all actually in this together. And just for the briefest of moments, we are all on the same side. Even them liberals, and non-whites.

How hard can it be to say ‘Nazis are bad’?

08 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Ego, First Amendment, Mental Health, Middle Way, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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Before my normal rant, I wanted to update you. I have heard the comments, and I agree. So, I should have hopefully done away with the annoying ads. I feel as though the small amount of revenue accrued from ads is never worth it if it’s too annoying for the readers to bother returning next time. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Now, on with the righteous indignation!

— • — • — • — • —

When I heard that a special counsel was being appointed to investigate the *presidents 2016 for collusion with the Russians, I thought, “Man, he’s going to be off the freakin’ wall. Between his ego and any shiny object that come along, well be lucky to keep his attention for half a day at a time!”

Then as word began to leak out about people cooperating with Robert Mueller, I figured he’d snap.

And when his personal lawyer and fixer flipped on him I figured he’d lose his shit.

And surely the idea of mole circumventing his authority right under his nose must be the snapping point.

And then Barack Obama finally spoke out, breaking the tradition of no personal criticism presidents used to honor between each other, directly attacking the current *president’s morals and methods. He bashed him, and made fun of him. That’s right, The one person he hates even more than Hillary, just openly bashed him, and publicly made fun of him. His archenemy and predecessor, the man who really had a huge inauguration, and is a demonstrably better President, just made fun of him.

And worst of all, Obama just got more headlines.

Keep your eye on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

— Read on thehill.com/homenews/news/405576-obama-how-hard-can-it-be-to-say-nazis-are-bad

treasontreasontreason…

06 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Ego, Fear, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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I was starting to get indignant at the idea of someone circumventing democracy by covertly interfering with the *president and his duties, in acting in what they alone decided are the ‘right’ things to do. They’re completely eliminating the built-in of checks and balances in our government. It’s a virtual coup d’é·tat, right under the *president’s nose!

Then I remembered that the *president conspired with Vladimir Putin to steal the presidential election. And that he probably only did it to save face, avoiding the embarrassment of admitting that he likes golden showers (that, and he’s probably laundering money for half of the world’s autocrats).

And I also occurred to me that most of the Republican party seems okay with this. Apparently they are so enamored with power that they finally put love of country in the second slot. Don’t fool yourself though, the Democrats would do the same shit if they didn’t have to go to work every day.

And through it all, a Republican lead Congress continues to try to force through a Supreme Court justice so conservative that he makes John Birch look like Abbie Hoffman.

And without so much as dinner or a kiss first.

The fate of the United States is in the hands of a very sick child

15 Sunday Jul 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, Indivisible, Middle Way, Patriotism, Putin, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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Donald Trump is mentally ill. And no, this is not the beginning of a joke, I am very serious. And I don’t mean this the way most people bandy about phrases like, “the guy’s completely nuts”, alluding to the fact that this person is your basic, run-of-the-mill, unhinged egomaniac.

No, Donald Trump began his break with reality in the 1980’s, as he sought constant attention from the press. He saw himself as a persona, and not really as his own person the way most people do of themselves. So, in support of that delusion, he began to sculpt his own mythos. Trump went so far as to produce additional characters out of whole cloth (the most well known of which is, John Barron), whose sole purpose in this dimension was to lift up their hero, Mr. Trump.

But, it was The Apprentice that finally gave Donald a massive dose of that… whatever the hell that thing is that people get exposed to in ‘Celebritopia’, that causes people go all Macaulay Culkin.

That exposure was way too much for the already damaged psyche of Trump. And so, like Voldemort’s damaged soul, Donald’s thinly egg-shelled ego crushed under the weight of having attained its deepest desire: Enough recognition and admiration to finally convince him that it’s all true… Every bit of it is true. He really is that famous, and influential!

It was this Donald Trump that, on January 20, 2017, became the most powerful man on earth, The President of the United States. Of course, the rest of the world sees and knows that there’s no way Donald Trump could have become president on his own merits, not even remotely. And there’s plenty of evidence to show that they’re right. But the inner-Trump, who needs unwavering admiration, can never accept such a preposterous idea.

Trump then dwelt in this twilight reality for a few years, feeding his inner Mr. Hyde a 24 hour diet of Twitter and Diet Coke. It was then that Donald Trump finally achieved a level of self-deceit required to break out of his demented chrysalis, and finally he burst forth in his final, monstrous form.

To think that Vladimir Putin isn’t beside himself with glee over how childishly persuadable the new President of the United States is. Or that he has begun visualizing effigies of himself being erected next to those of Vladimir Lenin’s, then you clearly do not understand the gravity of these current events. Putin sees himself as the father of New Russia, and Donald Trump, Putin’s very own useful idiot, is helping him every step of the way.

Donald Trump isn’t evil in the same deliberate, scheming way that Vladimir Putin is. No, Trump has far more frightening incentives that make him dangerous on so many other levels. And it’s primarily because of this that it’s impossible to tell which reality Trump is inhabiting when he’s making a particular decision. How do you defend against something like that?

Donald Trump doesn’t feel like you and I feel. One of the scariest part about having Donald Trump as a President is that he has about as much emotional connection to his world-altering decisions, as you or I do about purchasing a property during a game of Monopoly. He sees his choices in isolation, not in context. He simply wants to win the game. And the only skills he possesses for such a task are ruthlessness, and self-preservation. The problem is that if Trump doesn’t see or hear the suffering of real people as a direct result of his decisions, then any results are simply too abstract for him to recognize them in connection to the bigger reality. In other words, you and I are as real to him as the little toy pieces on the game board.

The world is a going to be a different place after this meeting. No one in a position of influence has the courage to stop this before it happens. And they’ll be no reversing things once Putin gets his entire foot in the door.

Dibs on the little dog piece.

It sucks, doesn’t it?

23 Saturday Jun 2018

Posted by in Change, Dingleberries, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Environment, Fear, Hate, Human, Indivisible, Islam, Love, Male superiority, Middle Way, Open mind, Politics, Race, Revolution, Sameness, Trump-Hole, Women

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So, news reports have said that members of the Trump administration have been denied service in, and chased out of, businesses they thought they had the right to frequent as a normal customer. It’s completely unfair.

And I hear they’re also having trouble finding dates, or keeping them when they do. People are just walking out in the middle of dates when they find out someone works for the administration. It’s just rude.

No one likes to be judged by others. Especially not before they even get a chance to know you. And something personal, like where you work or what you believe in, shouldn’t affect what restaurant you’re allowed to eat in… Right?

America, as I have known it

08 Friday Jun 2018

Posted by in Brain Droppings, Compassion, Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, First Amendment, Guns, Hate, Human, Indivisible, Islam, Kids, Love, Making Sense of Guns, Middle Way, Open mind, Patriotism, Politics, Race, Revolution, Spirituality, Terrorism, Trump-Hole, Women

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Being an American does not mean you should or shouldn’t possess a gun, but we should respect each other’s right to choose either. It’s a gun, it’s designed to kill people. You should be glad not everyone wants to do that.

Being an American does not depend on where you were born. We are all a mix, and we always have been. No one likes to be the last one picked for a team, so don’t be a jerk.

Being an American does not mean you need to speak a particular dialect, and we have never had an official language. Don’t be so self-centered, you look and sound different to other people too.

Being an American does not mean we must obey a particular religion or God, but we sure do know enough to keep them all out of our laws. If everyone doesn’t believe in something, then there’s no way you can rule with it. Ignoring this always leads to uprisings.

Being an American means you don’t need to know the words to our national anthem, or even to stand up during it. There’s people who think you should, and others who think you shouldn’t. The wonderful thing about freedom is when you get to exercise it.

Being an American does not mean you have to submit to an arranged marriage, or any marriage for that matter. And if you do want to marry someone else, we are finally beginning to realize that it’s no one’s business who you fall in love with. No matter how closed-minded people can be, no one like’s to be told what to do.

Being an American does not mean you have to fit in one of the predetermined parties that we group people by in politics. In fact, most of us rarely like everything that comes bundled up by a single political group. It’s almost as if people are actually different. That’s a good thing.

Being an American does not mean you have to like your president. In fact, we have always believed that a peaceful protest to can help right the wrongs we sometimes make. America has always tried to assure that the minority opinion gets heard. And when it doesn’t, it is our right to engage in constructive dissent to see that it does.

Being an American means that we recognize the world is bigger than us, most people are different from us, nothing is forever, a majority does not equal harmony, we don’t like bullies and monarchs, and we prefer to change our public servants often.

Being an American means that we take the good with the bad, and strive to be better next time. It means that you shouldn’t insult others for protesting during an anthem, especially if you can’t remember the words to our other national ballads.

Being an American means that we do believe, we do care, and we are united. But what we care about, what we believe in, and what we unite over, is different for each of us.

We are strong because we are different. We are special because we are equal. The most aggressive are the most afraid. And what looks like the end always brings a new beginning.

a moment of silence…

14 Monday May 2018

Posted by in Ego, Islam, Memorial, Middle Way, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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I just wanted to take a moment to honor the scores of Palestinians that were gunned down by Israeli soldiers today while they were protesting the United States opening its new embassy in Jerusalem.

Donald Trump has blood on his hands, not that I think that bothers him. He strikes me as a guy who has 2 emotions: Rage, and conceit. The rest of us don’t matter.

What is most heartbreaking about the massacre is that it was done for no other reason than that Trump just wanted to pocket some future votes with his base.

And so, 55 were killed today. How many of them had families? Does the Dear Leader bother to think about the fact that he, without a doubt, to also dedicate their lives to hating, and killing Israelis and Americans for years to come.

Good work on helping to keep Americans safe in the world, you dolt.

This guy is only in the news because normal, sane people, are boring to write about.

04 Wednesday Apr 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Ego, First Amendment, Guns, Hate, Making Sense of Guns, Male superiority, Mental Health, Middle Way, Music, Patriotism, Politics, Terrorism

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Ted Nugent, a board member of the NRA, has decided to proclaim that the students who are protesting in the wake of their friends being slaughtered, are nothing more than soulless lying media shills.

Now, I wasn’t there, so I have no way of knowing if Ted offered up evidence to back up his claims that what these survivors saying are saying is false. I mean, I would hope that he offered up evidence. He can’t possibly have just claimed that they were all lying at the behest of the media, and that they should be silenced, so that real measures can be put in place. He wouldn’t do that, right?

Of course, when Ted says “real measures can be put into place to actually save children’s lives”, I am assuming he means that the NRA has finally come up with some real measures. Because, arming teachers ain’t it.

For that matter, adding more guns into the populace would only help the gun manufacturers anyway. The claim that “the only person who can stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with a gun” is not at all true, or what happens in the vast majority of cases.

Statistically speaking, a good guy with a gun is more likely to know someone who will use that gun to commit suicide. Yes, even if it’s properly locked up. If you’ve ever been around someone who is suicidal, then you know that they watch your every move, watching for that two seconds out of years of being careful, that the gun ends up unattended. And a good guy with a gun is more likely than someone without a gun, to see that gun involved in an accidental shooting by a child.

Putting aside, how safe guns actually are (i.e: ignoring the fact that they are designed to kill things), the question still remains, “Who in their right mind would ever use Ted Nugent as a model for morality, and/or demonstrating, or having a soul?!

Seriously, here is a guy who is known as the Motor City Madman, and is proud of that moniker. He has made a living out of acting crazy, but he still wants to be taken seriously. That’s not how it works Ted.

Let’s avail ourselves to a few of Nugent’s moral, and soul-lifting quotes:

“Apartheid isn’t that cut and dry. All men are not created equal. The preponderance of South Africa is a different breed of man… They still put bones in their noses, they still walk around naked, they wipe their butts with their hands… These are different people. You give ’em toothpaste, they fucking eat it.”

“Big bangs don’t make this. That’s not a big bang. God made that. That’s a liver. That’s mystical. You and I can’t make livers. Things banging don’t make livers. This is mystical stuff. This is magic. This is perfection.”

“I’ll show you some security and I’ll show you some peace: Nagasaki and Hiroshima. You fuck with us and we’ll fucking melt you.”

“I have obviously failed to galvanize and prod, if not shame enough Americans to be ever vigilant not to let a Chicago communist-raised, communist-educated, communist-nurtured subhuman mongrel like the ACORN community organizer gangster Barack Hussein Obama to weasel his way into the top office of authority in the United States of America.”

“Should a kid going to a Grateful Dead concert who’s caught with sugar-cube-encrusted LSD go to prison for life with no parole? Of course not. But should that guy get caned? Yeah. And should he go to prison in an overcrowded cell where a huge, unclean black man will fuck him in the ass every night? Yeah. Now, that sounds cruel, doesn’t it? Well, tough fucking shit.”

And, in closing, I’d like to offer this last gem. Nugent’s comments are meant to be inflammatory, so most of the things he says get ignored by most Americans. And you can see why he does it. It’s really all he has left. He’s not selling records. He needs the attention. But this last tidbit is far more revealing.

Ted, like every other Might-Makes-Right-Second-Amendment-Defender (they are a different breed than your average, level headed American, who realized that the Second Amendment is just as important as the First Amendment, and the rest of the Constitution. And therefore, all of these things need to be given equal weight in the consideration of the law), sees guns as the great equalizer for his neanderthal beliefs, and for his fading demographic.

And so in parting, let’s hear what Ted really believes is all we really need. Because with a gun, you can make your own laws.

“If it was up to me, if you uttered the word ‘gun control,’ we’d put you in jail.”

Love ~ Hate

31 Sunday Dec 2017

Posted by in Depression, Ego, Emotional Intelligence, Hate, Human, Love, Meditation, Mental Health, Middle Way, Spirituality

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Imagine you’ve spent most of your life trying to lose as many negative states of mind as you could. To reduce the size of your ego, and live by spiritual principles. And throughout that time you’ve tried to turn the other cheek, no matter what had been done to you, or why.

And then imagine that after decades of practice, you suddenly feel less accomplished, and deeper in your suffering than you ever had been before starting your journey.

And then one day wake up a sudden realization, and a fully formed plan to ruin someone else’s life. You had no conscious realization that any hate you still possessed ran that deep. Nor do you have any memory of wanting to plan, or perform such an act. But suddenly, there it was, complete and ready to go.

Would you follow through?

Would you tell another person?

Would you seek help for yourself?

Or could you accept it as a plateau in your growth?