I’ve come to the conclusion that the reason everyone could care less about Trump costing the taxpayers millions of dollars in security costs just so he can golf every damn week, is because at least then we all get a brief respite from the vomitron that is our 24 hour news cycle.
Okay, so I recently found out there are these chew things for dogs called ‘bully sticks’. The first time I saw one I picked it up and sniffed it… and then I reacted in much the same way Mike Pence would if he accidentally walked into a gay bar, with a gay marriage taking place, AND someone was asking him to dance… In other words, to say that ‘I recoiled in deepest loathing’ would be fairly accurate.
“What the fuck are these things?!”, I blurted out.
“I don’t know, but my dog goes ape shit for these things.”, my brother replied. He likes to refer to the very large, very furry, over-productive saliva factory, as a dog.
Anyway, these ‘stink sticks’ happened to still be in their “container” (really just a bundle of smelly brown sticks bound together with nothing more than pre-printed tape. Of course, it’s also stuck directly to the product. Yum!).
Anyway, I read the ingredients: Contains: 100% beef pizzle
Beef… yup, got that one.
Pizzle? What the hell is a pizzle?
Well we’re into it this far, so out comes the phone, and a quick Google search reveals… I burst out laughing.
“What?!”, he asked. “What is it made out of? Do I want to know?”
“”I don’t know, I said. It depends on whether you want to know why they smell so bad. Because you’re feeding your dog a dried, smoked, and pre-packaged bull penis.”
At some point I’m pretty sure Meghan Markle and Prince Harry have had a talk that went something like this:
MM: “Oh my God, I’m so embarrassed that the media is dragging all of my family skeletons out of the closet where everyone can see them. I’m so sorry Hank!”
PH: “Oh no! Don’t give it another thought Love! Me Great Grandaddy once subjugated an entire continent! I mean c’mon, it doesn’t get much more bloody awful than that! And who knows how many of me own ancestors married their relatives just hold on to the crown jewels? I mean, the family jewels they should have been worried about were the ones that were producing the next generation of heirs. You can’t overshadow the Royal Family when it comes to embarrassing families m’love!”