Category Archives: Conspiracies

I Really Don’t Like Entitled Pricks

27 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Democratic Socialism, Dingleberries, Fear, First Amendment, Male superiority, Middle Way, Politics, Revolution, Trump-Hole, Women

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I grew up in the northeast, and was in high school during roughly the same time period as Brett Kavanaugh. Here’s what I know about that time period.

Parties were measured by how many kegs they had. When a party was described with terms like ten kegger, no other descriptor was required. This was only a couple years after Animal House was released. And some of the most popular movies about high school life at the time were Porky’s and Fast Times at Ridgemont High. Both movies were shining examples of how all early 1980’s high school students spent their time — on academics, sports, church, and service.

Every guy I knew that went to a private prep school (which is admittedly a very small number of people) were absolute douchebags. They all basically acted like entitled pricks about everything, especially with girls. And, thanks to people like Owen Labrie, we know more about what happens at elite prep schools than we used to, and we know how far we still haven’t come.

I knew women and men who were raped and sexually assaulted. If the topic came up around someone new, the most empathetic response you could hope for was, “That sucks”, before they quickly changed the subject. But when the victim wasn’t around, people would ask each other what she was wearing. The idea being that if you dig down far enough, there’s always something wrong with what the woman did to make the guy rape her. If you were a guy, you could also count on being made fun of, and told that “You can’t rape the willing!”

Today, while listening to both witnesses testify, I didn’t focus so much on the details of their words, as the context of their speech. And what I saw was a very scared woman testifying before the entire United States Senate, and openly discussing one of the most frightening events of her life.

Then I looked up to see a room full of dour faced white guys hiding behind a hired gun, one who just happened to be the same gender as the victim. And each and every one of those Republican Senators sat in their shame and pretended to look busy, while their constituents made sure to note whether their Senator has the guts to ask their own questions, or if they abandoned their responsibility to a woman that no one voted for (this is getting to be a thing with these guys).

And then the nominee/accused rapist spoke. And suddenly I was too angry to watch anymore. I used to know guys who talked to people like this. Every entitled prick I have ever known has acted the same way.

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Is Manafort “making up stories in order to get a ‘deal’.”?

16 Sunday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Death, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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Okay, so first off, you can’t just “make up stories to get a deal”. Mainly because legal cooperation has to actually be connected to the truth. Well, that and reality. The presidency, however, no longer requires such a shibboleth. (I don’t think the *president actually tries to break the law as much as he does. I honestly think he really is plain old ignorant and unteachable. He just isn’t able to process something if it isn’t something he can manipulate into money, fame, or power.)

But, I digress… What I wanted to say was that the idea of Manafort actually cooperating with Mueller is honestly the only thing that has really surprised me in this whole conspiracy.

Yes, what Manafort knows could be dangerous to the *president. But honestly, do you think it’s Trump he’s been afraid of this whole time? Do you really think Manafort has been clamming up to protect an over-inflated reality show star? Or, is it possible that he’s far more worried about someone with a much further reach, far better aim, and absolutely zero shits to give about his public image on this side of the pond?

We know Robert Mueller won’t take partial cooperation. Only full, unfettered access will do. And if Manafort is really in as deep as we think he is, I doubt this decision extended his life any. It’s more likely that instead, soon people will be taking bets on the following question, “How long before Paul Manafort accidentally drinks a Cesium smoothie?”

Brett Kavanaugh perjured himself, and guess who gets to review it? (Hint: His name is Merrick Garland)

09 Sunday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, First Amendment, Indivisible, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Revolution, Tax the Church, Terrorism, Trump-Hole, Women

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That’s right Merrick Garland! I mean, if you wrote this stuff in a novel, the critics would tear it apart for being so overly contrived. There’s no way!

So, what does this mean though? Will Merrick Garland exact revenge for the lost appointment? Nah. Garland will do what he’s supposed to do, he’ll look it over fairly and honestly.

The bigger problem is that, based on Kavanaugh’s lengthy written record, I’m not sure the same impartiality would be afforded to Garland if the positions were reversed. No, this man is living a much larger dishonesty, and has for years.

Brett Kavanaugh is a member of the guerrilla right, where the first commandment is ‘There is no sin when thy breaketh man’s law while fulfilling God’s will (as it is understood by The Party)’. And in the face of such an edict, lying to the U.S. Congress is entirely permissible because they believe they are fulfilling a much higher purpose.

More than anything, that shows exactly why we we as a nation must always separate church and state. Of course, I’d love to remind the Republican Party that they ignore that separation at their own peril: Each time they put a toe over the line, that mythical sharia-backed caliphate we were warned about in 2016, gets another step closer to America.

And when they finally arrive, you know will happen to our country?! They’ll imprison us by only allow laws that are chosen by their religious beliefs! It’s been said that they’ll forbid our American women from making free, America-loving decisions (even ones about their own sexy bits!). And these rules will be decided only by an authority of men. Men who claim to speak for God, and whose creed is a patchwork of out of context scripture, masterfully and imaginatively woven into the worst news of the day. Then delivered to the faithful, who feed on it instead of facts.

This is not the first time in its history that the Republican party has attempted to cheat, cover up, and stack the deck in order to compensate for their unpopular stance on certain social issues. Nor is it their maiden voyage on the good ship ‘Racism’ either… as evident by the breadth and depth of the ignorance they display in regards of their own minority status.

And of course, this is all done in the name of power. They fought for it for years, and now that they have it they refuse to let go. And don’t get me wrong, just because the Democrats are enjoying the high road at the moment, (and getting unattractively smug about it), doesn’t mean we can’t end up like this because of their stupidity in the future too. It’s kind of like when my kids are playing off of each other when one of them gets in trouble. All of a sudden the other one goes out of their way to show me how extra well-behaved they are compared to that other heathen.

Oh yeah, and the *president actually pronounced it “Amomynous”.

*sigh*

How hard can it be to say ‘Nazis are bad’?

08 Saturday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Ego, First Amendment, Mental Health, Middle Way, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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Before my normal rant, I wanted to update you. I have heard the comments, and I agree. So, I should have hopefully done away with the annoying ads. I feel as though the small amount of revenue accrued from ads is never worth it if it’s too annoying for the readers to bother returning next time. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Now, on with the righteous indignation!

— • — • — • — • —

When I heard that a special counsel was being appointed to investigate the *presidents 2016 for collusion with the Russians, I thought, “Man, he’s going to be off the freakin’ wall. Between his ego and any shiny object that come along, well be lucky to keep his attention for half a day at a time!”

Then as word began to leak out about people cooperating with Robert Mueller, I figured he’d snap.

And when his personal lawyer and fixer flipped on him I figured he’d lose his shit.

And surely the idea of mole circumventing his authority right under his nose must be the snapping point.

And then Barack Obama finally spoke out, breaking the tradition of no personal criticism presidents used to honor between each other, directly attacking the current *president’s morals and methods. He bashed him, and made fun of him. That’s right, The one person he hates even more than Hillary, just openly bashed him, and publicly made fun of him. His archenemy and predecessor, the man who really had a huge inauguration, and is a demonstrably better President, just made fun of him.

And worst of all, Obama just got more headlines.

Keep your eye on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

— Read on thehill.com/homenews/news/405576-obama-how-hard-can-it-be-to-say-nazis-are-bad

treasontreasontreason…

06 Thursday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Ego, Fear, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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I was starting to get indignant at the idea of someone circumventing democracy by covertly interfering with the *president and his duties, in acting in what they alone decided are the ‘right’ things to do. They’re completely eliminating the built-in of checks and balances in our government. It’s a virtual coup d’é·tat, right under the *president’s nose!

Then I remembered that the *president conspired with Vladimir Putin to steal the presidential election. And that he probably only did it to save face, avoiding the embarrassment of admitting that he likes golden showers (that, and he’s probably laundering money for half of the world’s autocrats).

And I also occurred to me that most of the Republican party seems okay with this. Apparently they are so enamored with power that they finally put love of country in the second slot. Don’t fool yourself though, the Democrats would do the same shit if they didn’t have to go to work every day.

And through it all, a Republican lead Congress continues to try to force through a Supreme Court justice so conservative that he makes John Birch look like Abbie Hoffman.

And without so much as dinner or a kiss first.

A call to hit the *president where he lives: Don’t print his name anymore!

03 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Indivisible, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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It occurred to me today that the one thing we can and should do in opposition to the *president’s agenda, is to no longer use the one and only thing he loves… his name!

The more people we can get to do this the better!

We should no longer use the name of the *president when writing any article. He should no longer get any personal press, instead, all news stories should refer to the office of the *president at most. The most poetic way to hurt this president is by using his least favorite Amendment!!!

You may even want to drop the capital ‘P’ in order to make a more subtle dig to the *president.

And for the coup de grâce, add that asterisk on there!

Donald Trump just keeps claiming things he said on tape aren’t real

03 Monday Sep 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, First Amendment, Middle Way, Revolution, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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When I was a kid, I had a couple of close friends I could always be found with. We would be gone the entire day with no way for anyone to contact us. And man, did we do some stupid shit.

Well, one evening my friends and I were wandering around and we found some kerosene on a construction site. Being young, stupid, and bored, we decided to find some sticks and rags and make some torches that we then lit and wandered around some neighborhood like we were on Gilligan’s Island doing a late night coconut run.

Apparently, someone didn’t like looking out of their picture window and seeing three massive flaming torches go bouncing merrily on down the street. And since early 1980’s suburbia wasn’t usually a time period closely associated with casual torch use, some terrified homeowner called the cops. By the time the cruiser found us, we were a ways away, the torches long extinguished in a puddle a couple of blocks back.

“What are you guys up to tonight?”, asks the officer.

“The two of us are walking him home”, we explained, while the three of us demonstrate which person is doing what, with a series of head nods and thumb jerks.

He nods and asks, “You guys haven’t seen anyone around here lighting things on fire, have you? We had some reports that a group of kids is walking around with torches. You guys see anything like that?”

I’m sure that as we stood there, no doubt reeling of kerosene, our twitchy behavior must have been nothing but reassuring to the officer. In the off chance that it wasn’t enough, we decided to really seal the deal by adding, “We saw three kids a few blocks back, but no fires.”

Three… other… kids. Three… Really?! That’s the best we could do? The cop had never even said how many kids he was looking for. So why the hell did we feel the need to add that little detail into our story?? It was a ham-handed attempt at redirecting a cop who was probably just glad we had put out whatever we had been fucking around with, and that we did so without hurting anyone. No harm, no paperwork. This was the early 80’s, where you were still allowed to be stupid a couple of time before you got a record.

But he wasn’t fooled, and we knew it. In fact, in that moment we all understood each other quite well, because there was an unspoken understanding. We were not likely to be doing anything quite that stupid again for at least a couple weeks, and he wouldn’t be taking us into custody. But he made sure it obvious that he could see right through our bullshit, and that we may want to stop with that one single, really stupid lie.

In politics for some reason, people put out bullshit excuses that are far more transparent than three teenagers telling a cop they saw three other teenagers doing stupid things. But because of decorum, proximity, and the everlasting need to save face, they rarely get called out on it. That’s exactly why it is important that we continue to call out obvious bullshit when a politician spews it out of their talking hole, especially these days.

Donald Trump recently decided that it would be beneficial if he insinuated the Lester Holt interview was “fudged” in some nefarious way, so as to make him look guilty of obstruction. Mind you, this is after more than a year of this clip being played, without him saying boo about it. He has mentioned it once, and he’s watching to see how it plays out. If there’s no major blowback, then a few weeks from now, when someone brings up the NBC interview, and he’ll make a veiled comment that it has been tampered with…

The trap is set…

A reporter will step one foot into the trap, depressing the trigger mechanism with a question, “Mr. President, can you tell us what you believe was edited in the Holt interview?”

SNAP! The jaws of the trap clamp shut! We’ve got one!!!

Once he gets questioned about evidence to back up his claim, he can finally feign incredulity that the coverup has begun. He already planted the story weeks ago, without having to explain himself. Why are reporters suddenly pretending like it didn’t happen, and asking for evidence now that they’ve had weeks to bury it?!

See, you can’t question conspiracy theories. If you do, they act like the fabled Hydra, multiplying a dozen times for each single attack you make on it. Add to that, the faithful Trumpers who take his word as a directive, and the Hydra’s heads can now reproduce throughout the country, popping from the necks of swastika tattooed bodies far and wide. The ultimate goal being, if you can get them thinking that truth is relative, then you can sow doubt. And in sowing doubt you can replace the storyline with one that explains things in such a way that it explains the story, and why white people are really the victims in all of this.

Actually, I’m pretty sure they’ll blame George Soros somewhere along the way as well. Always sowing division.

White House probes Google, because… you know, Trump

29 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Brain Droppings, Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, Lying (oops, I meant ‘mistruthing’), Mental Health, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Putin, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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Donald Trump eyes suspicious speakerphone

I have been swamped during my busy time at work, so keeping up on the news is tough, and writing is even tougher.

Fear not! Donald Trump to the rescue!

See, I think he could tell someone out there wasn’t paying attention to him. So he took it upon himself to go above and beyond the call of duty, and he came up with such a batshit crazy news story that I couldn’t help but get drawn in out of pure entertainment value alone. I’m touched he cared enough to reach out to me like that.

The story is generous on so many levels, it’s really hard to pick my favorite!

Did Donald Trump finally learn how to Google himself? And if so, is this a psychotic break from the emotional weight from the shock of finding out just how loathed he is… worldwide even!

Maybe he really is a master at manipulating the press and making the tail wag the dog. So, maybe he is trying to keep the press chasing anything he can think of that isn’t related to Mueller, or felonies. And maybe the idea that all of the world’s search engines (I know, he doesn’t get that part, bear with me) have somehow conspired to manipulate the information as we know it… just to make him look bad. Aside from the sheer size of his cluelessness in general, and this little polyp in particular, Trump may actually believe this juuuuust enough to convince the only people he’s saying this for anyway. It’s raw, fresh, bloody meat for his base.

Or, it’s quite simply the beginning of what will be a very unattractive, profoundly messy, and unbearably slow decline of the President’s mental faculties as the loose threads of his various crimes, and whacked out conspiracy theories, finally all merge into one overwhelming psychotic meltdown.

With daily coverage, live from the White House.

“Mommy, what is an ‘unindicted co-conspirator’?

22 Wednesday Aug 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Emotional Intelligence, First Amendment, Indivisible, Middle Way, Patriotism, Politics, Revolution, Terrorism, Trump-Hole

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The first member of Congress to endorse Donald Trump, has been indicted on insider trading.

The second member of Congress to endorse him was just indicted on campaign finance violations.

The deputy chairman of his Presidential election campaign, has pleaded guilty and testified against the chairman of the campaign for money laundering, etc.

The chairman of the President’s election campaign was then found guilty on eight different counts of financial crimes. He will likely spend a few of his good years left, behind bars. Meanwhile, he’s still on the hook for millions of dollars to a Russian oligarch, so there’s that…

Then the President’s personal lawyer fixer, and the finance chair of the RNC, just pleaded guilty to campaign finance violations. In doing so he explicitly implicates the President himself in the criminal conspiracy. The President of the United States is now a de facto unindicted co-conspirator in this case.

The political pressure on each of the individual members of Congress in the best future, is going to change dramatically. Many more will now be called to denounce, or impeach the President of the United States, because the idea that we have a sitting President who has been directly linked to a criminal conspiracy, doesn’t tend to sit well with most Americans. They like to think they are working to support a society built upon the idea of law. So, when the corruption gets so rank that you can even smell it upwind, people finally start to speak up.

But, will the blatant ass-covering from the Republican Party stop now? Can the Democratic Party resist the temptation to feel smug and superior, and that they aren’t just a susceptible to a similar fate if they aren’t careful?

More importantly, what happens to Donald Trump’s behavior now? Who is keeping him away from sharp objects and Twitter accounts?

And most importantly, what’s going to happen to Donald Trump’s already swollen and fractured ego the moment he realizes that he just did something he has always wanted to do, publicly get away with a crime and suffer no consequences.

And the icing on the cake? A few hours later, we are treated to an arena full of his supporters chanted and screamed, “Lock her up! Lock her up!” to the political opponent he had two years ago.

Giuliani: ‘Truth isn’t truth’

19 Sunday Aug 2018

Posted by in Conspiracies, Dingleberries, Emotional Intelligence, Fear, Mental Health, Middle Way, Politics, Revolution, Trump-Hole

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Welp! We’ve been tippy-toeing around all of this 1984 crap for a while now… Can we just call it at this point? Are we there yet?

“This is going to become a bad meme,” Chuck Todd predicts during a dictionary-defying exchange.
— Read on www.politico.com/story/2018/08/19/giuliani-truth-todd-trump-788161