I came up with a new term this morning. I was talking to a friend at work and telling a story. In this story I needed to refer to someone as Christian. But I didn’t feel like saying the term because, well… I’m me.
But here’s the thing. As the constant migraines dissolve my brain into a puddle of gelatinous goo, with the occasional ZAP! of synaptic activity fizzling across it, I come out with odd term to replace the ones I can’t think of. And that muscle is getting stronger every day. And let’s not forget, I have been listening to a lot of Frank Zappa lately as well.
So, as I was blabbing along I referred to the person as an anti-heathen. Everyone paused and looked at me and asked, “What?!”
“Anti-heathen!”, I exclaimed. I pointed to my own chest and said, “I am a heathen. They are a Christian. That makes them an anti-heathen.”
The old white man with white hair with Grinch eyebrows and mean eyes. Never touched by smile no creases or dimples cold and sharp intense in focus on his target. Reason his shield logic his sword with sharp tongue he degrades you. Your life status always lower than especially to she. It’s all driven by his need to hunt emerges to strike at what he despises in you, me and them. We are not worthy to share his glory at being him.
Has anyone else noticed that for such a grass roots movement, the Stop The Steal/Trump folks have somehow all managed to get their hands on professionally made, previously prepared, and ready-to-go signs, banners, flags, bumper stickers, and t-shirts, all of which somehow appear to have the same identical color schemes, font choices and design elements that indicate that they might have been created according to a specific branding style guide?
I have been setting up an area in my back yard that is animal friendly. It’s their section. There is a little bird bath and I have been starting to put in plants that will attract and feed them. Unlike half of my neighborhood, I also don’t use pesticides and try to let everything around here live and eat the food they like. The birds and squirrels seem to love it the arrangement. Something is always back there poking around. And I love observing them. Their way.
I also have a dog that is at least part beagle and black lab. And she loves to chase all things critter, period. And admittedly, I sort of enjoy watching her do what makes her happy (this is all helped immensely by the fact that she never catches anything). So as a way to make her backyard pee-trips a little more fun for the both of us, I like to psych her up by repeatedly asking if there are any squirrels outside… Yes, in a taunting voice. Anyway, once she is good and wound up, I open the door to witness a glorious mass scurrying and flying for the next 10 seconds.
Coming face to face with my own duality is harsh, man, I feel like the United States in the Middle East, here.
I once set out to create a religion as a prank, in true Prankster tradition.
You know, just to see if I could… like everyone does, right?
Now this was back in the days before Photoshop existed. And at the time I had unique access to systems that could perform that kind of “image magic”. And as an added bonus I could also print stuff in color, which was practically unheard of at the time.
This religion itself centered around a friend of mine who had long hair and a beard of the requisite brown color usually found in your stereotypical Hollywood-style light-skinned Jewish carpenter.
And as an added bonus, the guy’s name it got based on just happened to be a linguistic variation of yet another significant religious figure’s name.
And neither of these religions are known for their sense of humor in some areas. But I’ve always had an irreverent side. In hindsight, I am probably lucky I didn’t end up with some curse on my head, or much worse.
It lasted for a couple years. Myself and a few friends spread ‘The Word’ by sending out unsolicited prank mailers to our friends in far away cities.. We would include poster-sized color images of the (what I always thought was) buffoonery. And we would include some textual reading I wrote up that were probably about 2 steps above fortune cookie.
The whole thing ended because we met some people one day whom we didn’t know, and they way they acted made us wonder if they really believed this crap or they were just never breaking character in their own prank! Either way, it was time to put away the pulpit and hide for a while.
It’s a complex world, and some people are really susceptible to these kinds of ideas. But what is worse is that there are too many who would have looked for any opportunity to take advantage of these people.
slow morning crawl coffee and stare far away look minutes become breath at a time metronome sets to forward go the way of you hurt begets pain pain begets scars scars become hard yield not to wrath a goal for now
A migraine isn’t just a bad headache. A migraine is a big chunk of time where I can’t do life. I can’t cook, drive, shop, eat, or even talk well. And if I am not careful, I can cause much bigger problems for myself just by the way I act when I have one.
I don’t build up any sort of tolerance or immunity when I have a migraine. When I recover from one, that doesn’t influence whether I will have another at all, as far as I know. Yes, I have tried everything: plenty of water, OTC meds, meditation, acupuncture, dry needling, vitamins, adding and removing different foods, etc. And no, those essential oils won’t cleanse my salty chakra.
I don’t even look at migraines the same way as I used to. Even with all of the neurological and physical symptoms I have, and everything I have learned about how they work. A migraine has just become nothing more to me than a multi-day long period where I am a useless lump.
A migraine is that time period where I don’t get to do any of my daily life, that extends through to being a partner, a parent, an employee, or a even a reliable friend. And there’s a whole bunch of other side-crap I let pile up as well. I also don’t make lots of long-range plans, because everyone gets kind of sick of me breaking them.
Each time I have a migraine, I also get less healthy because I don’t move around as much. I certainly don’t exercise. I don’t eat right. I give in to cravings a lot more, and reach for easy stuff. And of course I end up taking lots of medicines. Eventually, those take their own toll on your internal organs, surreptitiously damaging my health in other ways. And, so many of the medicines that are designed to abort a migraine have such horrid side-effects for me that I realized I suffered almost as much with them, as I did without. Hey! How’s about a little dose of serotonin syndrome for your entertainment pleasure? Good stuff man!
Opiates have helped in the past, but they have a problem built into them. One, the body’s tolerance to them can climb like a caffeinated squirrel up a tree if you don’t use them exactly the right way. And even you do, you can still very quickly find yourself with a very persistent monkey on your back. Since the death of my own brother from an opiate overdose, I quickly realized that regardless of their effectiveness they must remain a “For Emergency Use Only” medicine.
Then there is medical marijuana. I mean, pot! No, wait… cannabis, right?!
When I got to work this morning I really, really had to pee. While running down the hall with my legs crossed, I saw someone I know who has been recovering from stage 4 cancer. So I waved to him. He waved back.
As I continued to side-shuffle down the hall something occurred to me, and it stopped me dead in my tracks.
This guy had been dying of stage 4 cancer and all he had ever asked of people was to make him laugh. And a few months later, here he was back at work! Something had helped him get back here.
So I turned around, then walked back just so I could call him a derogatory name. He laughed hard, nodded and called me a douchebag. Much better.
As I sped off again toward the big boy potty, I looked back and could see the crinkle in his eyes shining above his mask as he stumped his way down the hall on a cane.
Imagine a world where people are willing to make themselves temporarily uncomfortable solely for benefit of another person’s well being.