Why do I feel like Mitch McConnell is the kind of guy who has been harboring a deep, poisonous resentment ever since the third grade when he ended up being the only boy in the town’s history who didn’t get invited to the Sadie Hawkins dance.

One day years from now as he lay dying, he‘ll probably even get to have his own little villainous Rosebud moment as he drifts off…

“See Mary Lou! I showed them. I showed them all.”