In the coming months as NFL football gets rolling with another season of action, $15 stadium beers, TBI’s, and knee-taking pinkos, you might say to yourself, “Self, I think I might need to be reminded what an American patriot looks like!”

I’m sure that like most of us, you’ll be tempted to point to the guy with the vignetted Eagle/American Flag t-shirt. Or instead, you might choose the guy who has pledged to protect us all by always having his trusty Sig P320 tucked discreetly beneath his prodigious beer belly, just in case some non-white sumbitch tries to pull another 9-11 around him.

Or, with any luck, you’ll think of John McCain and his many patriotic acts. “Inspired how?”, you ask? I’ll admit, it’s a tough question alright, especially given the scope of McCain’s life in service to his country.

He started by dedicating his early life to being career military. He was captured and tortured for years by the Vietcong, suffering for even more years. Yet he returned home and decided to spend the rest of his life in service to his country in politics, preaching bipartisanship and earning his maverick moniker. All of which are very inspiring, and certainly fulfills just about anyone’s definition of a patriot.

But what I hope you’re inspired by is the way Mr. McCain planned his own funeral, using it to make a very large, very final, patriotic point.

So, may you attain such notoriety in your own life that your funeral is overrun with world leaders, as well as people from all walks of life, lining up for miles to pay their last respects. And, like John McCain, may your very last act on this earth be to use the occasion of your own death to orchestrate what can only be called one of the largest “Fuck you’s” ever to be directed at a sitting president. By using every possible opportunity available in the ceremonies of death, you make sure the world knows that you do not respect him, or recognize him as such in the position he holds. After having dedicated every drop your life to your country, your actions will show that this is the most significant insult a lifelong patriot could ever intend: That the person occupying the Office of the President, is illegitimate and a fraud, and not worthy of the respect that the Office of President of the United States normally commands.

Now that is truly a patriotic act.

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