President Bone Spurz campaigned on the idea that he alone would be able to smote ISIS (and would do so in roughly the same amount of time it took Charlie Sheen to use the power of his mind to heal himself from addiction).

Spurz has decided that ISIS is no longer our problem, and he is planning on ordering his troops back home.

Why? Because, he can’t get Americans to agree to pay for the wall that he promised Mexico would pay for (apparently is difficult to force another sovereign nation to pay for your batshit crazy campaign promises. Who knew?)

And so, the plan is to guard our borders with these American soldiers. I’m guessing the plan is to station them along the border at the ready, to deter anyone from trying to enter. And when no one does, he will claim to have stopped a problem that barely existed.

There will be no mention of the the northern border to Canada, or America’s endless oceanfront, or the vast sky overhead, or any other method people have used to get into our country for that matter. In fact, as America continues its slow decline into a third world country, people will no longer see it as the shining example of freedom it once was. And that, more than anything, will stop immigration into the United States.

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