Word has it that Serena Williams had on an outfit at Wimbledon that made it appear as though her nipples could cut glass. Why is this a problem? Beats me, but apparently the Twitterverse exploded because of it. It was “too distracting” for some people to be able to watch the actual tennis match because of her nipples. I’m assuming that these complaints are coming from TV spectators and not live ones. No matter how prominent they were Im thinking they still needed a little help from the cameraman. 

On the other hand we now have the “Free The Nipple” movement which is based on the outlandish idea that (wait for it…) women should have the same freedom as men. They should be able to take their shirts off when they’re uncomfortably hot, or even if they just want to sunbathe without a top on.

So can someone explain to me what the problem is please?! Men have nipples. Women have nipples. Dogs have nipples. Marmosets have nipples. It’s part of the basic mammalian package to have nipples.

Men are allowed to expose their nipples in public because, I guess, they don’t have as much flesh around the nipple?! So is the breast the problem? Does size matter? Because if that’s the case why doesn’t anyone get upset at seeing a picture of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s massive pecs, but the censors flip out when they see Charlize Theron’s dainty little breasts?

Is it the name we give them? Men have pecs and women have boobs, right?! But bodybuilding women can have pecs, and fat guys can have boobs… and in that situation it’s still the woman who’ll have to cover up her nipples!

So if someone wants to explain this rationale to me that would be great. I’m excluding the fact that anyone who doesn’t want to show their nipples, or just likes to wear a shirt is excluded. But the rest is just puritanical nonsense as far as I can see. Am I missing something?

I welcome all reasonable debate. What’s wrong with nipples?