brain dropping…

I was watching the Return of the Jedi the other day, and Luke is negotiating with Jabba the Hut. Jabba doesn’t like what he hears and gets pissed off and backhands C3PO (his droid interpreter). Because, of course, he was angry at Luke, but too fat to do anything about it.

I realized this was the story of Donald Trump and every one of his press secretaries.


Farewell Karl Kassel

If I had to pick how I am remembered, it would be as a voicemail prize on a show about ridiculous news.

NPR Newscaster Carl Kasell Dies At 84, After A Lifelong Career On-Air : NPR
— Read on

R. Lee Ermey dies at age 74… Trump orders flags to half staff

President Donald Trump has ordered the flags to half staff today because the guy who played the drill sergeant in a movie that had soldiers in it, died Sunday morning.

During a brief press Q&A, the President said, “His performance of a hard-hearted drill sergeant who drives a new recruit to commit a murder/suicide, was the most amazing performance of someone being in pretending to be in the army. It’s not an easy thing, I know. It’s something I have tried to do myself, with some success!”, he said, while waggling his eyebrows.

“I’ve always wanted to order the flag thing. It’s a great thing, the flag thing. Obama didn’t do the flag thing enough because, well… I don’t like him. A lot of people don’t.”, the President concluded.

The president was also heard to say that he was totally psyched everyone sending him all of their taxes finally.

— Read on


To: The Republican Party

From: Me

CC: Sean Hannity, Fox News shills, D.J. Trumphole, V. Putin

Re: coup d’etat

It has come to my attention that you have been openly disagreeing with the Special Counsel investigation, as well as the other investigations it has spawned. While I understand that you are unabashed capitalists, but when you put money before human life… Welp, tough shit. Suck it up, Buttercup.

Remember how you were screaming about being a country of laws when the last guy was in office? That still applies, he hasn’t been able to get rid of them yet.

You see, this, what’s going on right now with the warrants, and the investigations, and the indictments… This is exactly the kind of thing that still draws people here. The knowledge that even when a bunch of fascists use loopholes, conspiracies, and voter suppression tactics, to try to steal control of the government, the very same culprits will get investigated.

That is the American dream: To no longer let some rich asshole with delusions of grandeur and a daddy complex, try to take over the country as “ruler for life”, with a lineage of blood relatives as successors. And to do it without huge social upheaval, and massive loss of life.

In most other places in the world the same acts would have ended in a bloody coup d’etat. Families would have been displaced. People would be living in refugee camps. And someone would end up on war crimes in the end.

So, anyway… if you guys really want to shut down investigations and do away with our current legal system, go for it. Just keep that picture in your head. The one with Trump trying to run… limping down some podunk airfield in the Appalachian Mountains, trying to hop on his last supporter’s private jet before it leaves the country. The plane takes off. Trump falls face first in the dirt while chasing the plane. And then you see a couple of shiny blacks shoes crunch on the gravel besides his body. Just then a firm, calm voice says, “Mr. Trump, please keep your hands where I can see them. You’re under arrest.”



Hit and Run

I wanted to write a post about Paul Ryan’s announcement to not seek re-election after his distinguished career. I wanted to talk about how he spent most of his time in Congress in opposition to any progress, even admitting it was going to be hard leading after years of just blocking crap. I was also going to mention his scores of repeated attempts to repeal the ACA, only to leave it in tatters, then moving on to do the same to the tax code. And of course, I wanted to make sure to mention how he stepped aside and held the door for Putin to come in and take the silverware, and shirking his main responsibility of holding the Administrative Branch accountable. But, you already know all of those things.

So instead, I’m just going to say “Good riddance” to Paul Ryan… douchebag.

Leadership thru buck passing

So, Donald Trump decided that blaming Barack Obama in part for a chemical attack that happened in Syria over the past weekend, was actually the presidential thing to do.

Now, I’m aware that the Obama administration wasn’t the best in some areas, but that doesn’t mean that the whole country should now be punished with the presidential equivalent of that guy in your office who tried to frame you when he broke his own chair.

l mean, seriously, when have we ever had an American president so willing to pass the buck, and blame everyone else for all of the shitstorms that happen on his watch? Doesn’t the job descriptions for the President of the United States kind of infer that the applicant be capable of taking responsibility for the past, present, and future of the United States while they are in office?

Harry Truman had a sign on his desk that said, “The Buck Stops Here”, in essence saying that the Office of the President of the United States is where the buck passing of responsibility should ultimately stop. I guess he felt that, by the time someone had ascended to the Office of the President, it was assumed that they would be capable of shouldering the burden of responsibilities expected of a president. And while most presidential candidates are attracted to the powers that comes with the office, it’s not free. The powers of the presidency come bundled with the consequences that accompany each and every decision they are required to make.

But more than that, every President inherits the consequences of everything done in the name of the office of the president, prior to the day they walk through that door. And of course, by the time somebody runs for President, you’d expect they know how to put on their big kid pants and restrain from gloating, or blaming others… You know, like a leader would do.

It’s hard to lead when you spend all of your time bobbing and weaving.

Of course, all of this applies to the next poor bastard elected after Trump is done hollowing out the Oval Office, and selling the parts off to the highest bidder.