spectral

most of those
that listen best
are dead and gone
but in your chest

their wisdom stays
a tone is still clear
as perfect as when
their sound was here

spirit of death
O’ breath on the wind
port of eternal
entwined our sins

remember in love
reminiscing like porn
enlarging that spot
their kernel to form

enslaving our heart
attachment the curse
just for that ear
that once sang immersed

Just For Today

slow morning crawl
coffee and stare
far away look
minutes become
breath at a time
metronome sets
to forward go
the way of you
hurt begets pain
pain begets scars
scars become hard
yield not to wrath
a goal for now

.

Migraines: An Inconvenient Blot On Reality

A migraine isn’t just a bad headache. A migraine is a big chunk of time where I can’t do life. I can’t cook, drive, shop, eat, or even talk well. And if I am not careful, I can cause much bigger problems for myself just by the way I act when I have one.

I don’t build up any sort of tolerance or immunity when I have a migraine. When I recover from one, that doesn’t influence whether I will have another at all, as far as I know. Yes, I have tried everything: plenty of water, OTC meds, meditation, acupuncture, dry needling, vitamins, adding and removing different foods, etc. And no, those essential oils won’t cleanse my salty chakra.

I don’t even look at migraines the same way as I used to. Even with all of the neurological and physical symptoms I have, and everything I have learned about how they work. A migraine has just become nothing more to me than a multi-day long period where I am a useless lump.

A migraine is that time period where I don’t get to do any of my daily life, that extends through to being a partner, a parent, an employee, or a even a reliable friend. And there’s a whole bunch of other side-crap I let pile up as well. I also don’t make lots of long-range plans, because everyone gets kind of sick of me breaking them.

Each time I have a migraine, I also get less healthy because I don’t move around as much. I certainly don’t exercise. I don’t eat right. I give in to cravings a lot more, and reach for easy stuff. And of course I end up taking lots of medicines. Eventually, those take their own toll on your internal organs, surreptitiously damaging my health in other ways. And, so many of the medicines that are designed to abort a migraine have such horrid side-effects for me that I realized I suffered almost as much with them, as I did without. Hey! How’s about a little dose of serotonin syndrome for your entertainment pleasure? Good stuff man!

Opiates have helped in the past, but they have a problem built into them. One, the body’s tolerance to them can climb like a caffeinated squirrel up a tree if you don’t use them exactly the right way. And even you do, you can still very quickly find yourself with a very persistent monkey on your back. Since the death of my own brother from an opiate overdose, I quickly realized that regardless of their effectiveness they must remain a “For Emergency Use Only” medicine.

Then there is medical marijuana. I mean, pot! No, wait… cannabis, right?!

How cannabis has been working for me on chronic migraines is a post all it’s own, since it’s deserves detail. And whether I personally think it can continue to be successfully prescribed as a medicine, I think, depends a great deal on what we call it (something I have already talked about before. It is a more important topic than most people give attention to, I believe).

Anyway, as I was saying: Migraines suck.

forward of mind

the inevitable question
is there a pattern or not?
when applied to parts
life develops from I

celestial circle ‘round
field dance in sun
finger-tip touch tops
jettisoning pain

from moments once spent
in blind abandon
nurtures the light
surrounding the spark

keeping it snug
and forward of mind
to never give up
the soul in your eye

Florida shooting

It’s Florida!

Shouldn’t there have been at least a half dozen “good guys with guns” nearby to stop this? Wasn’t that what we were promised by the NRA, and DeSantis?

Florida shooting: At least 22 people shot, 2 fatally, after assailants get out of an SUV and fire assault rifles at a club, police say – CNN
— Read on amp.cnn.com/cnn/2021/05/30/us/florida-shooting/index.html

settle the body – free the mind

comfy clothes on chair or floor
cross the legged legs or not
hands cupped in lap palm up
slow breath deep and start

barely opened are the each
thumb tips close
eyes mouth cracked
tongue palette barely touch

acts that removes the you
body stuff deflects inspect
itch twitch scratch and shift
freeing field for open minds

lower case altruism

When I got to work this morning I really, really had to pee. While running down the hall with my legs crossed, I saw someone I know who has been recovering from stage 4 cancer. So I waved to him. He waved back.

As I continued to side-shuffle down the hall something occurred to me, and it stopped me dead in my tracks.

This guy had been dying of stage 4 cancer and all he had ever asked of people was to make him laugh. And a few months later, here he was back at work! Something had helped him get back here.

So I turned around, then walked back just so I could call him a derogatory name. He laughed hard, nodded and called me a douchebag. Much better.

As I sped off again toward the big boy potty, I looked back and could see the crinkle in his eyes shining above his mask as he stumped his way down the hall on a cane.

Imagine a world where people are willing to make themselves temporarily uncomfortable solely for benefit of another person’s well being.

10ne1iness

the cats in the cradle
and life it goes on
sideswipes and abandonment
friendship can be, and not
for the sacristy’s plundered
and our nickname’s defiled
now strut and stroke minds
as ego hardens to mask
a horrified crossroads
the pull of The Singularity