*rump’s Socialist Agenda

I think we can all agree that the *president is an idiot. At this point, I think it’s pretty much a demonstrative truth at this point. In fact, there have been news stories about most of his cabinet members saying the same thing for a while now.

I think it’s also safe to assume that he really doesn’t even know what socialism really is either, let alone Democratic Socialism. So, we should use it to sow serious doubt and confusion among his hardest core supports.

To do this, we need at to get the White House Press Pool involved as well. As long as everyone is on board and knows what to do, then they can set it up.

Then the next time the *president begins to talk about how important military spending is, we hit him with the disorienting question first.

“Mr. *President, do you think all Americans support such a large expenditure for a Socialist program?”

And while he is twirling and bitching, we get the next correspondent loaded and ready.

“Mr. *President, since you are now talking Socialism more, do you think we should ask Congress to start collecting taxes and duties so that we can use them to provide for the general welfare of all citizens?”

And then we can all sit back and watch him explain how unfair the Constitution is.

It’s time to stop playing fairly. Mitch McConnell sure the hell doesn’t.


Is Manafort “making up stories in order to get a ‘deal’.”?

Okay, so first off, you can’t just “make up stories to get a deal”. Mainly because legal cooperation has to actually be connected to the truth. Well, that and reality. The presidency, however, no longer requires such a shibboleth. (I don’t think the *president actually tries to break the law as much as he does. I honestly think he really is plain old ignorant and unteachable. He just isn’t able to process something if it isn’t something he can manipulate into money, fame, or power.)

But, I digress… What I wanted to say was that the idea of Manafort actually cooperating with Mueller is honestly the only thing that has really surprised me in this whole conspiracy.

Yes, what Manafort knows could be dangerous to the *president. But honestly, do you think it’s Trump he’s been afraid of this whole time? Do you really think Manafort has been clamming up to protect an over-inflated reality show star? Or, is it possible that he’s far more worried about someone with a much further reach, far better aim, and absolutely zero shits to give about his public image on this side of the pond?

We know Robert Mueller won’t take partial cooperation. Only full, unfettered access will do. And if Manafort is really in as deep as we think he is, I doubt this decision extended his life any. It’s more likely that instead, soon people will be taking bets on the following question, “How long before Paul Manafort accidentally drinks a Cesium smoothie?”

There are no atheists in foxholes… or capitalists

Chip Somodevilla / Getty Images

Between yesterday and today, thousands of Americans have considered switching political affiliations.

First, we have a massive hurricane making landfall in the Carolinas. There are also scores of houses burning in Massachusetts due to a gas line issue.

It’s for these reasons that thousands and thousands of conservative, self-sufficient, pull-themselves-up-by-their-bootstraps kind of folks will suddenly decide that Socialism ain’t so bad after all. It’s a common conversion that happens when your house is on fire, or you need to be rescued from the roof of your flooded home.

When it comes to paying taxes, they’re a fiscal conservative/capitalist who is more than willing to fight the good fight based on the “It ain’t right, because the 16th Amendment” argument. But once their house is burning or floating, they are happy to proclaim their status as Americans, shouting, “But, I’m a taxpayer!” as their expectations of public services suddenly exceeds their demonstrations of individuality.

When the shit hits the fan and you have to do the unthinkable and ask for help, it’s because your ego has finally fallen from its lofty perch long enough for your spirit to recognize that we are all actually in this together. And just for the briefest of moments, we are all on the same side. Even them liberals, and non-whites.

Brett Kavanaugh perjured himself, and guess who gets to review it? (Hint: His name is Merrick Garland)

That’s right Merrick Garland! I mean, if you wrote this stuff in a novel, the critics would tear it apart for being so overly contrived. There’s no way!

So, what does this mean though? Will Merrick Garland exact revenge for the lost appointment? Nah. Garland will do what he’s supposed to do, he’ll look it over fairly and honestly.

The bigger problem is that, based on Kavanaugh’s lengthy written record, I’m not sure the same impartiality would be afforded to Garland if the positions were reversed. No, this man is living a much larger dishonesty, and has for years.

Brett Kavanaugh is a member of the guerrilla right, where the first commandment is ‘There is no sin when thy breaketh man’s law while fulfilling God’s will (as it is understood by The Party)’. And in the face of such an edict, lying to the U.S. Congress is entirely permissible because they believe they are fulfilling a much higher purpose.

More than anything, that shows exactly why we we as a nation must always separate church and state. Of course, I’d love to remind the Republican Party that they ignore that separation at their own peril: Each time they put a toe over the line, that mythical sharia-backed caliphate we were warned about in 2016, gets another step closer to America.

And when they finally arrive, you know will happen to our country?! They’ll imprison us by only allow laws that are chosen by their religious beliefs! It’s been said that they’ll forbid our American women from making free, America-loving decisions (even ones about their own sexy bits!). And these rules will be decided only by an authority of men. Men who claim to speak for God, and whose creed is a patchwork of out of context scripture, masterfully and imaginatively woven into the worst news of the day. Then delivered to the faithful, who feed on it instead of facts.

This is not the first time in its history that the Republican party has attempted to cheat, cover up, and stack the deck in order to compensate for their unpopular stance on certain social issues. Nor is it their maiden voyage on the good ship ‘Racism’ either… as evident by the breadth and depth of the ignorance they display in regards of their own minority status.

And of course, this is all done in the name of power. They fought for it for years, and now that they have it they refuse to let go. And don’t get me wrong, just because the Democrats are enjoying the high road at the moment, (and getting unattractively smug about it), doesn’t mean we can’t end up like this because of their stupidity in the future too. It’s kind of like when my kids are playing off of each other when one of them gets in trouble. All of a sudden the other one goes out of their way to show me how extra well-behaved they are compared to that other heathen.

Oh yeah, and the *president actually pronounced it “Amomynous”.


How hard can it be to say ‘Nazis are bad’?

Before my normal rant, I wanted to update you. I have heard the comments, and I agree. So, I should have hopefully done away with the annoying ads. I feel as though the small amount of revenue accrued from ads is never worth it if it’s too annoying for the readers to bother returning next time. Otherwise, what’s the point?

Now, on with the righteous indignation!

— • — • — • — • —

When I heard that a special counsel was being appointed to investigate the *presidents 2016 for collusion with the Russians, I thought, “Man, he’s going to be off the freakin’ wall. Between his ego and any shiny object that come along, well be lucky to keep his attention for half a day at a time!”

Then as word began to leak out about people cooperating with Robert Mueller, I figured he’d snap.

And when his personal lawyer and fixer flipped on him I figured he’d lose his shit.

And surely the idea of mole circumventing his authority right under his nose must be the snapping point.

And then Barack Obama finally spoke out, breaking the tradition of no personal criticism presidents used to honor between each other, directly attacking the current *president’s morals and methods. He bashed him, and made fun of him. That’s right, The one person he hates even more than Hillary, just openly bashed him, and publicly made fun of him. His archenemy and predecessor, the man who really had a huge inauguration, and is a demonstrably better President, just made fun of him.

And worst of all, Obama just got more headlines.

Keep your eye on 1600 Pennsylvania Ave.

— Read on thehill.com/homenews/news/405576-obama-how-hard-can-it-be-to-say-nazis-are-bad


I was starting to get indignant at the idea of someone circumventing democracy by covertly interfering with the *president and his duties, in acting in what they alone decided are the ‘right’ things to do. They’re completely eliminating the built-in of checks and balances in our government. It’s a virtual coup d’é·tat, right under the *president’s nose!

Then I remembered that the *president conspired with Vladimir Putin to steal the presidential election. And that he probably only did it to save face, avoiding the embarrassment of admitting that he likes golden showers (that, and he’s probably laundering money for half of the world’s autocrats).

And I also occurred to me that most of the Republican party seems okay with this. Apparently they are so enamored with power that they finally put love of country in the second slot. Don’t fool yourself though, the Democrats would do the same shit if they didn’t have to go to work every day.

And through it all, a Republican lead Congress continues to try to force through a Supreme Court justice so conservative that he makes John Birch look like Abbie Hoffman.

And without so much as dinner or a kiss first.

Why loving Jeff Sessions is painfully patriotic

At the moment, I think the most glaring resentment I have against the *president is that he has single-handedly remind me of the fact that Jeff Sessions is human, and deserving of compassion.

I may not like the AG’s politics, or his views on race, or a whole bunch of other crap the man espouses, but he is still human. And more than most, he needs compassion. It’s clear how much he does!

He has embraced racism his whole life. And anyone who can sit in judgement of another person, solely because based on their culture or the color of their skin, is a person who lives in hell. A man who dwells in a never ending labyrinth of nameless fears.

And in his own way, Sessions has decided that his job is to remain between the most autocratic *president the country has ever had, and the investigation that will most undoubtedly bring him down. And yet, Sessions is there, protecting Americans by blocking the *president, even if just for a little while.

A few days ago the *president blasted his AG again. But this time it was for enforcing the law. You’d never have believed it even a couple of years ago, but the reason the *president attacked his Attorney General is because he did not protect a couple of loyal henchmen, ultimately allowing them to be charged with crimes.

Worse yet, there appears to be no evidence that the *president actually understands the finer points of guilt and innocence. He only sees friends and enemies. Period. And Sessions just allowed two friends to be locked away.

Despite everything I know about the Attorney General, and everything I know he fights for, he is still a person. And each person is worthy of compassion. Maybe it will make him think twice about the impunity with which the *president tossed him away. And even more about the sudden support he’s getting from the resistance. You never know…

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need a shower.

A call to hit the *president where he lives: Don’t print his name anymore!

It occurred to me today that the one thing we can and should do in opposition to the *president’s agenda, is to no longer use the one and only thing he loves… his name!

The more people we can get to do this the better!

We should no longer use the name of the *president when writing any article. He should no longer get any personal press, instead, all news stories should refer to the office of the *president at most. The most poetic way to hurt this president is by using his least favorite Amendment!!!

You may even want to drop the capital ‘P’ in order to make a more subtle dig to the *president.

And for the coup de grâce, add that asterisk on there!

Donald Trump just keeps claiming things he said on tape aren’t real

When I was a kid, I had a couple of close friends I could always be found with. We would be gone the entire day with no way for anyone to contact us. And man, did we do some stupid shit.

Well, one evening my friends and I were wandering around and we found some kerosene on a construction site. Being young, stupid, and bored, we decided to find some sticks and rags and make some torches that we then lit and wandered around some neighborhood like we were on Gilligan’s Island doing a late night coconut run.

Apparently, someone didn’t like looking out of their picture window and seeing three massive flaming torches go bouncing merrily on down the street. And since early 1980’s suburbia wasn’t usually a time period closely associated with casual torch use, some terrified homeowner called the cops. By the time the cruiser found us, we were a ways away, the torches long extinguished in a puddle a couple of blocks back.

“What are you guys up to tonight?”, asks the officer.

“The two of us are walking him home”, we explained, while the three of us demonstrate which person is doing what, with a series of head nods and thumb jerks.

He nods and asks, “You guys haven’t seen anyone around here lighting things on fire, have you? We had some reports that a group of kids is walking around with torches. You guys see anything like that?”

I’m sure that as we stood there, no doubt reeling of kerosene, our twitchy behavior must have been nothing but reassuring to the officer. In the off chance that it wasn’t enough, we decided to really seal the deal by adding, “We saw three kids a few blocks back, but no fires.”

Three… other… kids. Three… Really?! That’s the best we could do? The cop had never even said how many kids he was looking for. So why the hell did we feel the need to add that little detail into our story?? It was a ham-handed attempt at redirecting a cop who was probably just glad we had put out whatever we had been fucking around with, and that we did so without hurting anyone. No harm, no paperwork. This was the early 80’s, where you were still allowed to be stupid a couple of time before you got a record.

But he wasn’t fooled, and we knew it. In fact, in that moment we all understood each other quite well, because there was an unspoken understanding. We were not likely to be doing anything quite that stupid again for at least a couple weeks, and he wouldn’t be taking us into custody. But he made sure it obvious that he could see right through our bullshit, and that we may want to stop with that one single, really stupid lie.

In politics for some reason, people put out bullshit excuses that are far more transparent than three teenagers telling a cop they saw three other teenagers doing stupid things. But because of decorum, proximity, and the everlasting need to save face, they rarely get called out on it. That’s exactly why it is important that we continue to call out obvious bullshit when a politician spews it out of their talking hole, especially these days.

Donald Trump recently decided that it would be beneficial if he insinuated the Lester Holt interview was “fudged” in some nefarious way, so as to make him look guilty of obstruction. Mind you, this is after more than a year of this clip being played, without him saying boo about it. He has mentioned it once, and he’s watching to see how it plays out. If there’s no major blowback, then a few weeks from now, when someone brings up the NBC interview, and he’ll make a veiled comment that it has been tampered with…

The trap is set…

A reporter will step one foot into the trap, depressing the trigger mechanism with a question, “Mr. President, can you tell us what you believe was edited in the Holt interview?”

SNAP! The jaws of the trap clamp shut! We’ve got one!!!

Once he gets questioned about evidence to back up his claim, he can finally feign incredulity that the coverup has begun. He already planted the story weeks ago, without having to explain himself. Why are reporters suddenly pretending like it didn’t happen, and asking for evidence now that they’ve had weeks to bury it?!

See, you can’t question conspiracy theories. If you do, they act like the fabled Hydra, multiplying a dozen times for each single attack you make on it. Add to that, the faithful Trumpers who take his word as a directive, and the Hydra’s heads can now reproduce throughout the country, popping from the necks of swastika tattooed bodies far and wide. The ultimate goal being, if you can get them thinking that truth is relative, then you can sow doubt. And in sowing doubt you can replace the storyline with one that explains things in such a way that it explains the story, and why white people are really the victims in all of this.

Actually, I’m pretty sure they’ll blame George Soros somewhere along the way as well. Always sowing division.

Now ‘That’s’ Patriotism

In the coming months as NFL football gets rolling with another season of action, $15 stadium beers, TBI’s, and knee-taking pinkos, you might say to yourself, “Self, I think I might need to be reminded what an American patriot looks like!”

I’m sure that like most of us, you’ll be tempted to point to the guy with the vignetted Eagle/American Flag t-shirt. Or instead, you might choose the guy who has pledged to protect us all by always having his trusty Sig P320 tucked discreetly beneath his prodigious beer belly, just in case some non-white sumbitch tries to pull another 9-11 around him.

Or, with any luck, you’ll think of John McCain and his many patriotic acts. “Inspired how?”, you ask? I’ll admit, it’s a tough question alright, especially given the scope of McCain’s life in service to his country.

He started by dedicating his early life to being career military. He was captured and tortured for years by the Vietcong, suffering for even more years. Yet he returned home and decided to spend the rest of his life in service to his country in politics, preaching bipartisanship and earning his maverick moniker. All of which are very inspiring, and certainly fulfills just about anyone’s definition of a patriot.

But what I hope you’re inspired by is the way Mr. McCain planned his own funeral, using it to make a very large, very final, patriotic point.

So, may you attain such notoriety in your own life that your funeral is overrun with world leaders, as well as people from all walks of life, lining up for miles to pay their last respects. And, like John McCain, may your very last act on this earth be to use the occasion of your own death to orchestrate what can only be called one of the largest “Fuck you’s” ever to be directed at a sitting president. By using every possible opportunity available in the ceremonies of death, you make sure the world knows that you do not respect him, or recognize him as such in the position he holds. After having dedicated every drop your life to your country, your actions will show that this is the most significant insult a lifelong patriot could ever intend: That the person occupying the Office of the President, is illegitimate and a fraud, and not worthy of the respect that the Office of President of the United States normally commands.

Now that is truly a patriotic act.